ICE RAIDS ON MAR A LEGO, BEDMASTER NET RECORD HAUL
By James Baldwin
Washington, DC. 8/24/19. Immigration and Customs Enforcement—known affectionately by real Americans as ICE—announced today their most successful raid to date under the Corleone administration, a carefully coordinated joint assault on properties in Palm Beach, Florida and Bedmaster, NJ, both of which are part of the Corleone family properties, that netted some 250 illegal immigrants, mostly Mexicans, who had been employed for years at both locations.
ICE head Vito Corleone said, “it was the perfect operation, totally coordinated and used the element of surprise to ensnare these illegals, most of whom were rapists and thieves, and to do it without any resistance.”
When asked to comment on the seeming irony of the two targeted businesses Corleone responded, “We’re determined to stop this invasion of illegals taking over our country wherever it takes us, so when we go fishing, we go where the fish are regardless of who owns the lake. ”
In speaking to the press while boarding Air Force One headed to Greenland, the President, appeared unaffected that his properties were targeted and offered only praise to ICE. “They’re doing a great job,” he said and added, “there were fine people on both sides.”
Responding to the notion that the raid could have caused substantial embarrassment, the President explained, “While I obviously don’t condone hiring illegals, my people were simply doing what good businessmen do, believe me. They hired inexpensive labor to do jobs that no white Americans would do, and they did so totally legally by finding all the loopholes in the laws. I’m serious. There was nothing illegal here, believe me. No collusion. These laws should have been fixed years ago by the Obama administration. So, really, the whole thing is congress’ fault for doing nothing about immigration for so long. “
He added, “And I was totally unaware of the situation. All of our hiring was done by Don, Jr., and I knew nothing about it. He’s already been replaced, and we’re now looking to hire wealthy immigrants who can come to this country and stand on their own two feet. As far as the illegals go, they should go back to where they came from.”
Despite its apparent success, the raid also created some vexing difficulties. Many children of these soon to be deported workers, will not be able to accompany their parents back to where they came from, since virtually all of them were born here and are US citizens.
A spokesman for the White House allowed that this was indeed a problem. “Now that the Epstein operation has shut down, we really don’t have any place to send these kids,” he admitted.
“Still,” he went on, “We’re planning to fully equip each and every one of them with a bar of soap and a toothbrush and send them on their way; completely free to find a good life here in the USA. And some of the older ones may even be given special high slots on the long waiting list for entry into Drumpf University.”
Meanwhile the raid on the properties has resulted in the shut-down of both, creating more difficulty for the President, who so far has spent more time at Mar A Lego than in Washington and Greenland combined. A spokesman for the Palm Beach property said that it would not reopen until it can be adequately staffed by Scandinavian immigrants.
Things are not much better at Bedmaster Country Club where photos were taken of middle aged Caucasian men, presumed to be club members, raking sand traps. Having gone viral on Twitter the photos caused, as expected, a Tweet in response from the President.
“Hit the ball straight and you wouldn’t have to worry about raking the traps. Sad! These guys must have been socialist Dems. We could use ‘em to rake those forests in California.”
Then employing a raised fist emogi he added, “We’re making America rake again!”