INVESTIGATORS CONNECT LADDER COMPANY TO BORDER WALL, DRUMPF FAMILY, EMOLUMENTS VIOLATIONS
Washington, D.C. 8/18/18. Independent justice department investigators have linked a Wisconsin ladder company that has been marketing carbon fiber extension ladders in Honduras, El Salvador, Guatemala and Mexico, to the Drumpf family businesses, an apparent violation of the emoluments clause in Article I of the US Constitution.
The company, Great Escapes Ladder Works, LLC, an idea that seems to have originated with the President himself, was founded by two recent graduates with degrees in misinformation technology from the now defunct Drumpf University and funded by loans from Russian oligarchs seeking to launder funds. Investigators believe that the connection with Drumpf would be yet another direct violation of the emoluments clause, which forbids members of the government from receiving gifts (emoluments) from foreign entities. All previous administrations have extended this concept to include conflicts of interest between personal and governmental business.
This particular conflict of interest, among others, appears to be influencing policy as it explains the administration’s unbridled determination to build a wall along the US border with Mexico, a project seen as daft by even the President’s most ardent supporters. With this private enterprise the President and his family are positioned to profit personally from the wall by selling ladders for scaling it to desperate, would be immigrants.
It has been no secret that the Drumpf administration and the President have long been in violation of the emoluments clause. The sumptuous Drumpf International Hotel just a few blocks from the White House is the favorite “home away from home” for foreign dignitaries currying favor from the President.
State business meetings are regularly conducted at one of two or three Drumpf country clubs (where the domestic workers are primarily undocumented immigrants) stretching from New Jersey to Florida where visiting government officials, whose presence at the meetings is required, are charged for everything from accommodations to exorbitant golf cart fees all resulting in a steady stream of funds directly from the taxpayers’ pockets into those of the Drumpf family. The administration has labeled as fake news the rumors that the President must always win the Nassau bets on all rounds of golf as well.
But the ladder company is the first known Drumpf enterprise to market directly to lower demographic groups.
Investigators learned that Great Escapes is using carbon fiber, the same material used in manufacturing incredibly strong yet light racing bikes, imported from Canada to produce the ladders. The ladders are collapsible, almost weightless and easy to carry, according to the company. More than coincidence, they will be able to extend to precisely the same height as the plans for the wall, further indicating the connection between the two.
Among the company’s marketing techniques, any potential immigrant who can prove connection to the MS 13 gang is eligible for a volume discount on a ladder. The gang, whose presence in the US is minimal, is critical to the administration’s efforts to raise hysteria over immigration.
There are also rumors, unconfirmed at this point, that the Drumpf hospitality empire may seek to capitalize further on the administration’s zero tolerance immigration policy by purchasing recently vacated Toys ‘R Us stores, rebranding them as “Ivanka’s Place” and using them to house children of immigrants separated from their parents at the border. Ivanka’s would be an improvement on the current prison-like facilities and would guarantee such services as occasional air conditioning, at least one Port-o-potty per 1000 residents and a free bus ride to the nearest airport where the barely functional Drumpf airlines would offer government paid transportation back to their homeland.
While neither the White House nor executives from Great Escape Ladders would comment for this report, the President’s lawyer Tito Gelatini reiterated his often stated position. “The President cannot be prosecuted nor can he be called to testify in an investigation of his own conduct. So call it Laddergate if you like, to us it’s just another area where the Constitution means nothing.”