FRELICK NAMED GATORADE MASSACHUSETTS PLAYER OF THE YEAR
What Lexington High football fans have known for some time now, has become official. Their senior quarterback, Sal Frelick, has been named the Gatorade Massachusetts Football Player of the Year.
How do you explain the phenomenon that is Sal Frelick?
I have covered 18 of his games over the past two years. In each of those games most everyone else was just playing football. Frelick, on the other hand, was performing in a video game in his own separate reality.
I have a theory to explain this. He is an android.
I have data to support my theory.
In all of those games, each one of them, he was clearly the fastest player on the field. I’ve never seen him caught from behind. And his flat out sprinting speed is nothing compared to his instant acceleration through the hole.
This year he ran for 1779 yards on 135 carries, a crazy average of 13.2 yards per carry. He completed 66 percent of his passes for 1940 yards and combined accounted for 51 touchdowns. Those are video game numbers. Humans can’t do that.
I’ve been in press boxes across the league. I wish I had a buck for every time somebody in the box has screamed, “Holy cow! Did you just see that? I’ve never seen that before!” I don’t respond, but I know. It’s just another night in Sal’s world.
I’ve watched Sal’s coach send him play signals from the sideline, gesticulating, waving his hands, contorting his body. This is just further proof. This is how you talk to androids. I’m told that much of Lexington’s offense is based on “read options,” a football term for “Sal…see what you see and do what you want.” But the coach can’t just say that because Sal is an android.
Have you seen those game action photos of him online? What do you notice right away? It’s those eyes. From the darkness inside the helmet you can’t miss those glowing orbs. He sees everything on the field before eveyone else, and by the time the humans catch up it’s too late.
You need more proof? Try this. He’s the football player of the year but his best sport isn’t even football. It’s baseball.
And this seals the deal. He told me earlier that after his final game they’d have to rip his pads off. So there’s your proof. No human has shoulder pads growing right on their body.
So, what do you say to an android who has just been named the Gatorade Player of the Year? I think you say congratulations, Sal, and thanks for the memories.